‘Embrace the change and then you will find
New light will break the shadows inside’
I honestly started getting anxiety when I was 8 years old after my mother had a stroke. The thought of losing having her around at 8. When she was the only one I had, absolutely terrified me. I went months not knowing what sort of state she was going to be in. Once, she came home a lot of things changed. I had to step up and do whatever I could do to help her. To help us. We eventually lost basically everything we owned and moved out to Henry county.
Mom, if you’re reading this. I know you did everything you could for us. Don’t ever think you didn’t try hard enough. I love you and I couldn’t ever thank you enough for being the best mom you could be. I wouldn’t trade you for the world.
However, the anxiety and depression got a lot worse after high school. People judged me for being the person I was. They didn’t accept a person with piercings and weird colored hair. Instead of just leaving me alone, they made my life a living hell. I eventually dropped out because of all the harassment.
After that there were plenty of days where I physically couldn’t get out of bed. The thought of leaving the house, seeing other humans let alone have to interact with them scared the shit out of me. There were plenty of days where all I did was lay in bed, cry and wish I wasn’t alive.
It’s taken me many years not to let the inner voices control how I’m actually feeling. Sometimes my anxiety doesn’t let me go places or be as social as I wish I was.
However, I’ve come across so many wonderful people throughout these last couple of years who understood the fact that I had anxiety and accepted me for it. If you’re someone who has come into my life within this last year, just know you’ve helped break me out of my little shell and I couldn’t thank you enough.
The fact that I danced in a burlesque troupe, blows my mind. I never in my entire life would’ve thought I’d have the courage to get up on that stage and dance. I’ll forever be grateful I had that opportunity because for once I didn’t let my anxiety control me. I shut those negative thoughts out and was finally just myself.
There are still plenty of days where I don’t want to face the world, but I know now that I can do a lot more than I think I can. I’ve found that discouraging voice inside and silenced it. I refuse to let my anxiety control my every move. I refuse to let it think it owns me.
‘Now I can finally breathe’